Being young, clueless and immature when you are 18 is perfecly ok, but if you are still this way at 35, people will not be as thrilled with you. Peter Pan never grew up. He sacrifices the opportunity to have a relationship with Wendy, and has to content himself with Tinkerbell (a fairy that does not really exist - in other words porn). There is a sacrificial element to maturity. You need to assume responsibilities and find purpose, and this leads to happiness and fulfillment.
I have compiled a quick 20 point check list to help you understand the progress you are making on the path to emotional maturity. If you cannot tick off a single of these 20 boxes, then your life is going to be nasty and miserable.
1) You realize most people’s behavior is rooted in fear and anxiety – not because they are dickheads.
2) You are a good communicator. You realize that what is in your head is not readily understood by other people – it is necessary to clearly articulate them in words.
3) You realize you are sometimes wrong.
4) Confidence is the realization that everyone is more or less clueless and making it up as they go along.
5) You forgive your parents for their shortcomings. They did their best in the circumstances. They found themselves out of their depth with demons of their own.
6) You realize the enormous influence of external stimuli on your mood e.g., sleep, food, alcohol. You quickly learn never to bring up contentious issue unless everyone is well rested, well fed, sober and no one needs to rush out and catch a bus.
7) You give up sulking. You no longer use the phrase – they should have known how I was feeling when they said those nasty words.
8) You give up on the notion of perfection, and you pivot to “good enough”. You realize that many things in your life are good enough.
9) You are slightly less optimistic and sightly more pessimistic. You take off those rose-tinted spectacles.
10) You look at people in a more balanced way. Someone who is pedantic is now precise and thorough in times of turmoil. Someone is messy, but at the same time is creative and a visionary.
11) You fall in love a little less easily. You develop loyalty to what you already have. Most people, upon closer inspection, turn out to be a bit of a pain in the arse.
12) You realize you are quite a difficult person to live with.
13) You learn to forgive yourself for errors and foolishness. You realize the foolishness of flogging yourself for old mistakes.
14) You make peace with the stubborn bits of you of which you will never get rid.
15) You cease to put hope in great plans that you believe could make you happy and you start to celebrate the little things in life. You develop a taste for small pleasures.
16) What people think of you ceases to be of concern to you.
17) You have more patience with criticism – you are less defensive
18) You have more perspective – take a step back.
19) You realize your past colors your response to certain events. You have a predisposition to exaggerate in certain areas. You become suspicious of your first impulses on certain topics.
20) When you start friendships, you realize your new friends do not want to hear your good news – they are more interested in your trials and tribulations so they can feel better about their own lives.
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