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5 Reasons to Have ZERO Expectations

Dec 7, 20214 min read


Warren Buffett, one of the greatest investors in the history of the world, was asked for the secret to a long-lasting marriage, and he said “low expectations”. There is infinite wisdom in this comment – but I would like to modify this slightly.


If you are looking for the secret to long-lasting business, personal, romantic, and social relationships, you should have ZERO expectations in others.


Here are FIVE reasons you want to lower your expectations in others and get them as close to zero as possible.

1) Expectations Breed Entitlement

If you have ever found yourself thinking or saying: "I deserve/expect x", then “Houston, we have a big fucking problem". You are entitled to NOTHING! You deserve nothing. You should expect absolutely nothing because until you take full responsibility for your decisions and actions, you will always be a passive victim and you will never achieve anything in life.


2) Expectations Don’t Differentiate between “Wants” and “Should”

If you are full of expectations, it is difficult to differentiate between what you want to do and what you should do. Freedom is the ability to do the things that you want to do. Slavery is doing the things that you think you should do. One of the biggest reasons why my second marriage failed is because I did things I thought I was expected to do and was then supremely pissed off when my ex-wife did not show any gratitude for the things I was doing. The animosity grew until it exploded. If I had been wise enough to ratchet my expectations down to zero and do the things that I wanted to do (within reason – because you cannot be a completely selfish prick when you are married), I probably would still be unhappily married.


3) Expectations are Often Unrealistic

Let me give you a quick list of expectations that many people unwittingly have tattooed onto their subconscious: 1) opportunities should fall into my lap, 2) people should like me, 3) people know what I am trying to say, 4) things will make me happy, and 5) I can change him/her.


All these expectations are horribly false and will systematically ruin your life. Let us address each of these unrealistic expectations: 1) you need to work hard and create opportunities, 2) some people will think you are a dickhead (who cares), 3) people are clueless as to what you are trying to say (you need to make more effort to make yourself understood), 4) things will make you fucking miserable, and 5) no, there is no way you are going to be able to mold the person into who you want (accept them for who they are and move forward).


4) Expectations Lead to Resentment

You are in the subway heading off to work on the Monday after New Year's Eve. You are tired and hungover and feel like a zombie. You find a seat, set your Spotify to adult contemporary music, and then an old lady walks in. You do the gentlemanly thing and offer her your seat. She takes the offer but doesn’t say thank you. You immediately think she is an ungrateful cow and hope she swallows her false teeth. For the next 10 minutes, your resentment grows, your body fills with cortisone, and you die before the train reaches your stop. If only you had read this blog and realized the importance of having no expectations, you would have been happy in your cubicle, doing your bullshit job, writing that useless report that no one was going to read, and everyone lives happily ever after!


5) Expectations are Very Subjective

If you think expectations are truths, you are in for a very disappointing life. Expected behavior in situations differs wildly from person to person. What one person expects may be far from what another person expects. When I moved to Mexico City, I realized that business meetings run on a different agenda when compared to London and South Africa. In the latter two places, introductions are swift, and you jump straight onto business. In Mexico, the first 10 minutes are filled with small talk about what is happening in the city, country, or world. The next ten minutes is personal small talk – talking about family, friends, lovers, and golfing buddies. Then, and only then, do you jump into the filthy part of talking business? This drove me nuts - I am impatient, time is money and I don’t care about the fucking weather. I had to ratchet my expectations to zero, and only then was I able to thrive. .


You need to execute a mass transferal of expectations that you have placed in other people and invest them in yourself. Instead of expecting other people to do things for you, concentrate all that responsibility on yourself and take ownership of your outcomes. Stop being a passenger, jump into the driver’s seat, and hit the gas. Stop being passive and be active – get shit done. Instead of sitting behind a screen and watching YouTube videos, and expecting success to miraculously fall out of the fucking sky, get out the front door and start executing your plans.


We are living in a world of expectations and entitlement and privilege. This is creating a world of soft, lazy, and unsuccessful losers. My advice is to get off your fat entitled asses and start doing some honest work.


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