Relationships are a gamble. We meet complete strangers, unaware of their pasts, traumas, or whom they have hurt. In a short span, often too brief, we decide to weave these strangers deeply into our lives. We share our darkest secrets, attach our hopes and dreams to them, and envision futures together—sometimes including marriage and children. Before we know it, we're so entangled that escaping a sour relationship demands costly lawyers and legal battles, potentially binding us to this person for decades as we try to mitigate the damage to the children we brought into the world in moments of passion.
In these legal proceedings, you may see sides of your partner you never imagined, leading to a regretful realization: more due diligence at the start could have saved a lot of pain. So, how can men avoid this nightmare scenario that affects millions?
The Importance of Extended Due Diligence
First, extend the due diligence period. A good rule of thumb is not to make any major decisions within the first 12 months of courtship. Why 12 months? It’s essential for the initial passion to subside. The infatuation phase can be intense, especially if you’re rebounding from a relationship lacking emotional intimacy. After feeling isolated and unloved, meeting someone new who fulfills your unmet needs can cloud your judgment. Your new partner might seem perfect, but this is often a phase of ecstasy where objectivity is impaired—love is indeed blind, deaf, and dumb.
During this period, your new partner may drop subtle hints. She might dress seductively, but this isn’t necessarily for you—it’s her usual style, signaling to the world that she’s desirable. This behavior suggests she might always have a plan B, ready to move on if things don’t work out. Women with many male friends or those who deride their exes continuously might be revealing red flags about their future behavior with you.
Recognizing Red Flags
Pay attention to how she talks about her past relationships. If she never takes accountability, never apologizes, and blames others for her problems, these are significant red flags. We need time to see these signs clearly, so take 12 months to observe her actions, not just her words. Look for consistency and integrity in her behavior.
Risk Management in Relationships
Even after a thorough due diligence period, entering a relationship is still a gamble. Here’s where risk management comes in—think like a professional gambler.
Rule 1: Know Your Limits
Before entering a relationship, determine what you’re willing to lose. In gambling, the first rule is to only gamble what you can afford to lose. This principle applies to relationships. Identify your emotional and financial boundaries before getting too involved.
Rule 2: Play Games with Favorable Odds
Professional gamblers avoid games of pure chance. Similarly, in relationships, ensure the odds are in your favor by maintaining your frame. Your partner should integrate into your world on your terms. Set the tone and temperature of the relationship—don’t lose yourself in her world.
Rule 3: Keep Emotions in Check
In gambling, emotions have no place. The same applies to relationships. Major decisions should be made dispassionately and with foresight. If you decide to get married, insist on a prenuptial agreement. If your partner balks, consider it a significant red flag. If a prenup is a deal-breaker for her, walk away. It might hurt in the short term, but you’ll be better off in the long run.
Conclusion
Relationships are inherently risky, but with due diligence and proper risk management, men can navigate this gamble more wisely. Extend the getting-to-know-you phase, watch for red flags, and manage your risks like a pro. By doing so, you increase your chances of a fulfilling and sustainable relationship. Good luck!
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