If you had to do a poll with a group of men on the street and asked them how many times they have had sex in the past 12 months, I would wager that the number is close to fifty percent. Male masculinity is in a state of crisis. Many men are feeling lost and are struggling.
So let's start at the beginning and ask the question, what are masculine traits? Does the marauding Viking that fearlessly goes around the world raping, pillaging, and terrifying the local villagers stand out as the embodiment of masculinity, or is it more complex than that? Viking traits are a good place to start. They display bravery, strength, courage, and confidence but that is only part of the picture. Telling the truth and integrity are also masculine traits. The alignment between things you do and the things you say you do are also marks of a man. There is congruency between what you do in public and what you do in private. Finally, we need to consider the three p’s - protect, preserve, and provide.
A big challenge faced by us men today is that our historical roles are no longer relevant. In traditional times, the two key roles of men were warfare and big game hunting - both these roles have been outsourced to the military and commercial supermarkets. This means we now need to find our own new meaning, path, and purpose in the world. There are two ways we can deal with this challenge - we can withdraw into porn and gaming, and become nihilistic, or we can turn our masculinity into a powerful tool to do good.
Men are creatures of action - we were explorers. We need to find new frontiers, cross the widest oceans, and climb the highest mountains. We are designed to do hard things, so we need to find new things to conquer. Some of those things are external - running marathons, doing hard things, and pushing our bodies to the limit - but we also need to work on conquering ourselves.
The first thing we need to do is get into shape. Why do you think women are attracted to men who are in shape? There is an obvious answer and then a not-so-obvious one. Men in shape are nicer to look at, are better in bed, and are generally healthier - these are the obvious benefits. The less obvious reason is the traits that get men into shape. To get into shape, you need discipline. You need to be prepared to wake up at 5 am to go to the gym. You need to avoid the temptation of pulling into a Mcdonald's drive-thru, and go to the supermarket, and learn how to cook. We need to be driven and goal-orientated. We need to be prepared to do hard things. All these traits take us back to their caveman past - they bring us one step closer to the original purpose of warfare and hunting. Men are not designed to be sat behind computer screens downloading porn and playing video games. Our bodies are designed to be outdoors being exposed to the elements and challenges of our cave-dwelling ancestors.
A study in the US showed that the number of men in the US between the ages of 18 and 32 who had not had sex in the past 12 months tripled from 9% to 28% between 2008 and 2018. That is a scary number. What makes the number even scarier is that it does not factor in the alienating impact the pandemic had on men. This number is now likely to be closer to 50 percent. It has to be said that this number also went up for women, but not by nearly as much. More and more men are struggling to find women that are attracted to them and this rejection causes us to retreat into porn and video games. Porn gives us a small dose of reproductive status cues and video games give us a small dose of community and acceptance cues. There are two things that happen when men have children - their testosterone levels drop as does their risk appetite. Fathers don't want to be jumping off cliffs when they have four children at home who depend upon them. The corollary is also true - if there is a growing number of childless men, there should be a spike in testosterone and risk-taking. There should be an increase in incel violence and anti-social behaviour but we are not seeing this. Men are being sedated out of their status and reproductive-seeking drives through porn and video games. Would it be better to have huge groups of over-sexed aggressive men outside breaking shit and causing mayhem or huge groups of men sedated into ineffectiveness? You could argue that one is only marginally better than the other. As men continue down this road of uselessness, they become less and less attractive to the women they so desperately want to attract.
So why are more and more men having less sex? Women are hypergamous which means they date across and above their socio-economic status. They will stay away from men that are less successful than they are with regards to socio-economic status, and the reason for this is because biologically they need someone that has the resources, stability, and conscientiousness to raise their children. It is important to differentiate between date and sleep with. By dating, I am talking about a medium to long-term relationship. As for sleeping partners, that is self-explanatory. Women will hook up with men who are below them socio-economically on the basis of pure physical attraction. For example, two married women are chatting about their sex lives. The one says the sex is good, but it is not the best sex of her life. The other replies that she needs to realize the best sex of her life is likely with a man in prison. Now that we have the pure raw physical attraction out of the way, let's return to dating and hypergamy. As more women choose their careers over having children, this has made them more successful socio-economically. Men, on the other hand, are facing the opposite scenario. As the global economy tilts away from muscle on account of robotics and AI, and more to mind, more men are left outside the workforce or working in jobs that are removed from their skill set. This means the pool of datable men is thinning as more men are deemed “undatable”. One also needs to go back to purpose. Traditional male purposes such as fighting wars, hunting game, being a breadwinner, and being the protector of the family are receding into the background.
So what do men need to do to address this problem? They need to find a purpose, and in order to understand this, consider this crazy story. During the Second World War, London was being bombed in an episode known as The Blitz. Given that most of the able-bodied men were fighting in Europe, and the women were forced to work in the armament factories, there was no one left to drive the ambulances and fire trucks to collect casualties affected by the bombing and put out fires. Psychiatric male patients, many of whom had been catatonic for more than 10 years, rose to the challenge to drive these ambulances, showing if men are given a purpose and the tools to achieve it, they will do everything in their power to achieve it.
So this ever-growing number of high-value women is chasing an ever-decreasing number of high-value men and this is not good for either sex. If men are losing, so to are the women. As the top men work through this large body of women, one common trait is that the men are not looking for commitment. The net result is that the women are left heartbroken because the majority of them are looking for something longer-term and more meaningful. The solution is not to force women to lower their standards - they have the right to be with men to whom they are truly attracted. It is the men that need to level up and improve their games and find their purposes.
Men and women are made to be together - we are social beings. We need the intimacy of a partner. Research shows that married couples, or couples that love together, live longer, and have a lower incidence of mental disorders like Alzheimer's and dementia. The worst punishment is solitary confinement. Social isolation significantly increased a person's risk of premature death from all causes, a risk that may rival those of smoking, obesity, and physical inactivity. Social isolation was associated with about a 50% increased risk of dementia. The mating crisis is not good for society in general.
Why is online dating so destructive? It makes relationships disposable. If a relationship doesn't work out, you jump back on Tinder and swipe until you find a better model. It is like a disposable razor. It cheapens relationships - it contributes to the decay in the dating marketplace. If you get into a relationship that started online, and after a couple of months you confront some problems, what is the probability that you are going to spend time and effort trying to resolve these issues when you can trade your partner in for a shinier and newer model?
Men are being branded as pathological and oppressive. They are made to feel ashamed of their masculinity and this is creating some horrifying results. To understand the true impact of this, you need to understand the difference between rights and obligations. They are two sides of the same coin. One man's right is another man's obligation. I am a financial guy and I spent most of my career in the financial derivatives market - options, futures, forwards, and swaps. When I sell you an option to buy Amazon stock at 100, if Amazon shoots up to 200, it is my obligation to deliver that share at 100 even though it does not suit me. It is inherent in men to provide, protect and preserve. This is part of our caveman DNA. We want to meet a woman, get married, and start a family. The problem is that when we look at all these obligations, we are hard-pressed to find the rights that come with these obligations. What am I talking about?
Family law does not favour the man. It very much favours the woman and seeks to demonize the man. If you have the time, and you should make the time, go to YouTube and watch the interview between Jordan Peterson and Greg Ellis. Greg Ellis is a British actor best known for his portrayal of Lieutenant Theodore Groves in Pirates of the Caribbean. His life was destroyed by his ex-wife. One day he was spending time with his two sons at their family home when the doorbell rang and police shackled and led him away based on a call from his then-wife that he planned to harm his children. Overnight he became homeless. Although he was later vindicated of the abuse allegations, he ultimately lost custody of his children and his wife became his sworn enemy.
He then wrote a book entitled The Respondent: Exposing the Cartel of Family Law, in which he discusses how since the 1970s, the advancement of women's rights has, for all its virtues, authored a third and fourth wave feminism that is determined to emasculate men. He states that it places men in a position every bit as destructive and oppressive as the one faced by women faced in the 1950s. Take a quick look at these stats from the book. In 1960, 8 percent of children lived only with their biological mother - today more than 23 percent do. Women initiate the vast majority of divorce proceedings. Mothers wind up with custody most of the time. Are they the overwhelmingly worthier parent? Of course not. But the average father must fight within this gender-based construct. Most men lose before they even step foot in the courtroom and walk out as mere visitors in their children's lives. In addition, many men are taking their own lives when caught in the divorce system - it is believed they are eight times more likely to take their own lives. That means that for every child of divorce who loses their mother to suicide, eight lose a father.
When faced with this reality, what is the natural reaction of men? The majority fall into the Peter Pan syndrome. They want to take on the responsibilities of adulthood but they are scared shitless. Peter Pan pushed back on sacrificing his youth and becoming an adult because the only adult he knew was Captain Hook who was bad-tempered and treated his crew like dogs. Also, he had a hook. So Pan looks at him and thinks, shit, I don't want to be like this guy, so he remains a child, becomes the leader of the Lost Boys, forgoes a meaningful relationship with Wendy, and fantasizes about Tinkerbell who in modern interpretation can be thought to represent porn.
Men today are looking at the risks associated with being men, and are thinking the same things as Peter Pan. They are thinking: so you want me to take on all the obligations of being a man, a father, and a breadwinner but without the rights? Society is going to brand my masculinity as toxic, people will say my success can only be attributed to the male-dominated hierarchy, and women can use the legal system to accuse me of sexual harassment and deprive me of access to my kids. Fuck that shit. I would rather withdraw into a world of video gaming and porn which is a safer and "happier" option. The problem is that it may be safe, but it is far from happy. They are miserable, alone, and deeply unhappy - and this forces them into a horrible downward spiral. The more they withdraw, the less successful they become professionally, the more out of shape they get, the more their self-esteem drops, and the less likely they will be found attractive by the opposite sex.
Women are drawn to successful, confident, driven, and hard-working men. They are not drawn to desperate, anxious, and out-of-shape men with low testosterone levels and high feelings of insecurity. Another problem is that this not only affects men, it affects many women. Women are not the enemy - they want and deserve high-value men. As this pool of high-value men gets shallower, so too are there fewer men to go around. Given that most super high-value men are more focused on their careers than building long-term relationships, many women who cross paths with them are left heartbroken and sad. So heartbroken and sad women, coupled with anxious and underperforming men are a lethal societal combination that is not good for humanity.
So what is the solution? The first step is to join a tribe of like-minded men, and here is why. For 99% of human existence, we lived in communities. These were groups of twenty to thirty people who lived together, worked together, and died together. Then we started living in apartments, condominiums, and suburbs. We started working with people with whom we did not share the same values. We started eating alone. In 1954, Swanson invented the TV dinner. Millions of lonely people set up their folding tables in front of their TVs. Urbanization and urban densification officially put an end to our tribal existence, and we are now paying the psychological price.
So what happens to life outside of this tightly-knit community? The first thing that happens is that we become acutely aware of being lonely, and therefore become very concerned about finding that special something/someone that will complete our lives and make us eternally happy.
Our need for connection can morph into a strong desire for success, fame, and recognition when maybe all we need is some good friends. Million Man is a tribe – it is a place where we can regroup, lick our wounds, bitch and moan about the women in our lives, and then work on a collective plan to get ourselves out of this hole we are all in. The trick is to unteach ourselves from all the lies we have learned about being a man.
Here are FOUR reasons you should join the Million Man tribe.
1) Being Part of a Group
There is strength in numbers. When you are part of a tribe, you are accountable to other people. This sense of connection helps to build your sense of self-worth. You become recognized. Your contribution is valued. You feel supported. It takes the pressure off you because you realize you are part of something bigger than yourself.
2) Sense of Purpose
Men today are battling to find purpose and meaning. They have no interest in religion and the traditional purpose of being the breadwinner in a family is fading as fewer young people are getting married. Million Man is founded on the purpose of building high-value men. It is this common purpose that will provide you with direction and a sense of purpose.
3) Support
“Boys don’t cry”. “Take it like a man”. All these cliches have a place. We are men. We are strong and you can rely on us. But men also need support. We need people to talk to and we need a non-judgmental place to do this. We need a manly tribe.
4) Battling Loneliness
The modern world is lonelier than the world that preceded it. We have never been more connected, yet we have never been so lonely. Loneliness is the disease of the 21st century. Million Man aims to put an end to that.
Million Man is built on 4 uncompromising foundations:
1) Kindness – high-value men are friendly, generous, and considerate.
2) Shared vulnerability – a tribe is a place where we can be open about our worries and anxieties, and the problems that throw us off balance.
3) Understanding – everyone has their own quirks and idiosyncrasies. We embrace and learn from our differences.
4) Reassurance - we believe that everyone (man, woman, and child) has a special superpower. We have the ability to give something to other people that these people crave, and that is reassurance. We are all haunted by doubts about our value. We are all concerned about the future. We are haunted by things we have done – they cause guilt and embarrassment. Everyone you meet, regardless of who they are, is plagued by varying degrees of insecurity. Can you believe that even supermodels are insecure about their appearances? These people are desperately waiting for someone to say something to them. Million Man believes in the power of reassurance. Members need to hear they have a right to exist, and that we are on their side. Words like: “I think you are going to be fine”, “everyone goes through this”, and “there is nothing to be ashamed of”.
#lifecoach #motivation #lifecoaching #coaching #love #mindset #coach #inspiration #selflove #life #success #selfcare #lifestyle #mentalhealth #mindfulness #personaldevelopment #entrepreneur #goals #happiness #meditation #loveyourself #healing #motivationalquotes #lifequotes #positivevibes #fitness #businesscoach #motivationalspeaker #business
Comments