Do men say one thing but want another, acting on the latter impulse instead? Is there a massive disconnect between what we say and what we do? I'm starting to believe there is, and this might be leading women to change their objectives and game plans to cater to this divergence. This shift in women's behavior is problematic for many reasons.
The Dubai Dilemma
Let's take Dubai, a city awash with cash, where policemen drive Italian sports cars, roads are metaphorically paved with gold, and the economy is buoyed by oil money, creating a playground for billionaires. In this city, women can thrive if they're young, attractive, creative, and ambitious.
They set up Instagram accounts, showcase themselves at luxurious pools, and receive a deluge of direct messages from wealthy men eager to take them on exotic dates, showering them with expensive handbags and jewelry in exchange for physical intimacy.
This lifestyle offers easy money and an easier life. Why slog through university, work 80-hour weeks at a corporate job for 15 years in hopes of reaching the C-suite when you can live large now? Dubai is an extreme example, but it illustrates a broader point: Men reward available, attractive, and provocative women.
The Real Cost of Superficial Rewards
The women with breast augmentations and tattoos overshadow those with strong values—the ones you might want to take home to mom. Men buy fancy gifts for their hot girlfriends while ignoring their wives, who dedicate themselves to raising children and maintaining a stable household. We claim to desire women of substance, character, and independence—partners who will have our backs and help grow our businesses. Women who can host a dinner for business partners at a beautifully decorated home they keep running smoothly.
But at the end of the day, who has all the fun? Is it 20-year-old Whitney, the swimsuit model flying first class to watch the Monaco Grand Prix on a private yacht, or Carol, the senior partner at a corporate law firm earning seven figures a year?
Who Is to Blame?
Men are to blame. Men incentivize women into behavior detrimental to their long-term happiness and our own. The superficial rewards we offer—fancy gifts, exotic trips—encourage women to prioritize looks over developing other aspects of their personality. When these women age and their looks fade, the attention from wealthy men wanes. Without the need to develop other parts of their personality, they find their world becoming small and dull.
The Long-Term Impact
This cycle is harmful to both men and women. Men end up in relationships with partners who don't meet their deeper needs, leading to dissatisfaction and potential infidelity. Women, on the other hand, miss out on developing fulfilling careers and personal growth, relying solely on their looks. This reliance is a ticking time bomb, set to explode when youth fades and interest diminishes.
Breaking the Cycle
To break this cycle, men need to align their actions with their words. If we truly value women of substance, we should reward those qualities. We need to appreciate the women who support us, build us up, and stand by our side through thick and thin. We must stop incentivizing superficial attributes and start valuing the qualities that lead to lasting happiness and fulfillment.
By doing so, we can encourage women to focus on their personal and professional development, leading to healthier, more satisfying relationships for both parties. Only then can we bridge the gap between what we say we want and what we actually pursue.
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