The phrase "boys don't cry" is dangerous on many levels. Recently, a staggering statistic has been on my mind, causing immense concern: the leading cause of death for men under 45 isn't heart disease, diabetes, or cancer—it's suicide.
This chilling reality means that a man's biggest enemy is often himself. In stark contrast, suicide doesn’t even appear in the top five causes of death for women under 45. So, why is there an epidemic of male suicides? What are men doing wrong?
I believe the answer is right in front of us, and yet we refuse to address it. We struggle to express our needs, largely because we don't know what they are. Even when we do discover them, society sends a clear message: no one really cares what we need. This indifference stems from historical context. Men have traditionally had the upper hand in many areas: spared the pains of childbirth, physically less vulnerable, able to father children well into old age, and dominating governments, commerce, and clergy.
I'm not claiming there's been a concerted effort to control, dominate, and subjugate women (that's a discussion for another time). However, historically, it has been advantageous to be a man. But times have changed. We're now facing a male crisis, largely because we haven't done the emotional work. I refuse to play the victim card. It's not society's fault or the fault of a smothering mother or weak father. The responsibility lies with us.
We must learn to express our feelings beyond the catchphrase "I am angry." We need to articulate our needs, understand who we are, and explore how our childhood has shaped our attachment styles. Just as we pound the gym daily for physical fitness, we need to start pounding the emotional gym.
Here's how we can start:
Acknowledge the Problem: Recognize that suppressing emotions is detrimental. Admitting there's a problem is the first step toward solving it.
Seek Help: Therapy is not a sign of weakness. It's a tool for understanding and managing emotions. Seeking professional help can provide strategies to cope with feelings and stressors.
Build a Support Network: Surround yourself with people who understand and support you. Friends, family, and support groups can offer a safe space to express emotions.
Learn Emotional Vocabulary: Expand your emotional vocabulary beyond anger. Identify and name your emotions to better understand and communicate them.
Practice Emotional Regulation: Techniques like mindfulness, meditation, and deep breathing can help manage intense emotions and reduce stress.
Embrace Vulnerability: It's okay to cry. Tears are a natural and healthy response to pain, stress, and grief. Embracing vulnerability can lead to deeper connections and understanding.
We need to step up, take responsibility, and improve our emotional well-being. It's time to challenge the outdated notion that men don't cry. Let's start by acknowledging our emotions and doing the necessary work to understand and express them. The emotional gym awaits, and it's time we started training.
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