High-value men embody strong masculine qualities such as courage, confidence, assertiveness, and problem-solving prowess. We step into our masculinity by taking on responsibilities and striving for mastery in various areas of life. However, there are times when it's crucial to step back from these instincts, especially when a friend is in crisis.
Recently, I found myself struggling through a rough patch. Minor irritations were infuriating me to an unreasonable degree. One day, while approaching a four-way stop near my office, I noticed several police officers ahead. In my frustration, I disregarded the stop sign and drove straight through—unsurprisingly, I was pulled over. When the officer approached, I didn’t bother to explain or negotiate; I simply told him to write the ticket. My behavior was uncalled for, and he responded to my attitude as one might expect. This incident was just the latest in a series of anger-fueled moments. Feeling lonely and isolated in a new city, overwhelmed by recent social letdowns—including a disastrous date and a friend who seemed to be ignoring me—I reached out to one of my closest friends.
Bless him, he spent the next thirty minutes suggesting solutions to my problems. However, what I really needed at that moment wasn’t solutions—I just needed to vent. I wanted to express my frustrations without seeking answers, something that men often struggle with. We are inherently problem-solvers, conditioned to respond to challenges with solutions. This is especially true when we see our loved ones distressed; our first instinct is to fix the situation.
However, when it comes to personal issues—like feelings of sadness, loneliness, anger, or frustration—the most supportive thing we can do is simply listen. If a friend approaches you with a business dilemma or needs strategic advice, by all means, offer your insights. But if they're sharing personal struggles, it's crucial to let them do most of the talking. Allow them the space to unload their burdens without jumping in with advice. Offer a few words of assurance if necessary, but primarily, your role is to listen and be present.
Avoid suggesting they go to therapy, increase their meditation, exercise more, or just "cheer up." These may all be valuable in their own right, but in the moment of emotional distress, what your friend likely needs most is to feel heard and supported without immediate judgment or solutions.
By understanding when to offer solutions and when to simply provide a supportive ear, we can truly step into our role as high-value men—not just through our strengths in leadership and problem-solving, but also in our capacity for empathy and understanding.
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