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How to Keep Her Desire for You Strong (So She Never Feels the Need to "Find Herself")

Jun 25, 20243 min read

Updated: Jan 14

Ah, the dreaded words: "I need to find myself." You know the moment you hear them, it’s like watching your relationship dissolve into the abyss of singlehood. When your girl sits you down and tells you she needs to go out and "find herself," she’s basically saying she wants to be alone, probably with a one-way ticket to India or Bali, ready to star in her own version of "Eat, Pray, Love." Spoiler alert: you're not in the sequel.


The reality is, she's bored with you. The "pax domestica" you've achieved in your relationship, contrary to your belief, is not a good thing. Women often confuse peace with boredom. While you think everything is blissfully calm, she’s dreaming of adventure—new experiences, new places, and, quite possibly, new people. She’s imagining herself exploring parts of a man’s body that aren’t yours, preferably a man who’s better looking, speaks English with a Spanish accent, and might be Javier Bardem.


But here’s the kicker—she doesn’t want to lose you entirely. You’ve become Plan B, the safety net. If Javier breaks her heart, she wants to come back to you because you’re loyal, predictable, and, well, boring.


Don't get into this situation. Here are some ways to keep her desire for you strong and avoid becoming the backup plan:

  1. Surprise Her Regularly: No, not with predictable flowers or chocolate. Think outside the box. Take her on spontaneous weekend trips, sign up for a salsa dance class, or plan a surprise date night at an exotic restaurant.

  2. Stay Mysterious: Maintain an air of mystery. Don't be an open book. Leave some chapters for her to discover. This keeps the intrigue alive and keeps her wanting to learn more about you.

  3. Invest in Self-Improvement: Show her that you’re constantly growing. Whether it’s learning a new language, picking up a new hobby, or getting in shape, demonstrate that you’re always striving to be better.

  4. Be Unpredictable: Routine is the enemy of passion. Mix things up. Change your habits. Instead of the usual Friday night Netflix, take her stargazing or to a late-night jazz club.

  5. Maintain Your Independence: Don't let the relationship consume your identity. Keep pursuing your own interests and hobbies. This shows that you’re not entirely dependent on her for your happiness.

  6. Show Confidence: Nothing is more attractive than confidence. Stand tall, make decisions, and don’t be afraid to take charge. Confidence reassures her that she’s with someone who knows his worth.

  7. Flirt with Her: Yes, even after years of being together, keep the flirtation alive. Compliment her, tease her playfully, and make her feel desired.

  8. Keep the Romance Alive: Regularly remind her of why she fell for you in the first place. Write her love notes, plan romantic gestures, and never stop wooing her.

  9. Listen and Engage: Pay attention to her needs and desires. Be an active listener. Engage in meaningful conversations and show genuine interest in her thoughts and feelings.

  10. Be Adventurous in the Bedroom: Don’t let things get stale. Spice up your sex life with new experiences and keep the passion burning.

  11. Support Her Independence: Encourage her to pursue her own interests and passions. Support her endeavors and show that you respect her individuality.

  12. Show Appreciation: Never take her for granted. Regularly express your gratitude for her presence in your life and all that she does.

  13. Laugh Together: Keep the humor alive in your relationship. Share jokes, watch comedies, and don’t be afraid to be silly together.

  14. Be Her Rock: Be reliable and dependable, but also be her partner in crime. Show her that you’re not just a safe bet but also an exciting choice.

  15. Stay Present: Be present in the moment with her. Put away distractions and focus on creating memories together.


By keeping things exciting, mysterious, and engaging, you’ll make sure she never feels the need to "find herself" because she’ll be too busy being fascinated by the ever-evolving, captivating man you are. And Javier Bardem? He can find someone else’s girlfriend to whisper sweet nothings to in Spanish.



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