Have you ever found yourself puzzled by the need to ask permission when you're in a relationship? Picture this: you’re organizing a boys' night out, and inevitably, a few of the guys will respond with, "Let me ask my other half and get back to you." Why would a grown man need to ask permission for anything? Let me state for the record, I am not immune to this permission-asking phenomenon.
In the cult sitcom Seinfeld, there’s a memorable scene where Kramer talks to Jerry about the downside of being married. He mentions having to ask permission to use the bathroom. While this might be taking some comedic license, there’s a kernel of truth in what Kramer says. He claims marriage is a man-made prison, and you’re doing time.
Though extreme, many men find themselves in relationships where they are beholden to a partner who acts like a warden. This constant questioning and accounting for your time results in an unnecessary surrender of agency and authority.
By succumbing to this authority, you are losing your frame. You’re stepping into her world – she’s not stepping into yours. Here’s the biggest irony: you are doing it to keep her happy, but the reality is the opposite. Most men comply with these demands to keep the peace, believing the old cliché that a happy wife leads to a happy life. There’s a meme that says when daddy ain’t happy, no one really cares, but when mommy ain’t happy, no one is happy.
Let’s unpack this to understand why women make these demands and indirectly disrespect their men. These women are not operating in their feminine energy. Being controlling, domineering, and demanding are not naturally female traits; they are masculine. Women want to be protected and contained. They don’t want to be the protectors and the containers. But they are forced into this role when they perceive that the man cannot effectively perform this role.
A power vacuum forces the woman to fill the role of the leader and the adored. Women do not feel comfortable in the role of the adored. They don’t like to be placed on a pedestal; they prefer to be the adorers. If you find yourself in a situation where you need to ask permission to go out with your friends, spend your own money, or are subjected to a range of inappropriate questions from your partner, the problem isn’t your partner, it’s you.
You have not been successful in maintaining your frame, and you have stepped into her world. She has the power and is not operating in her traditional feminine role. You need to win back your frame, but this is easier said than done. Once the frame is lost, it is difficult to get it back. The genie is out of the bottle, but it’s not impossible.
You need to rediscover your masculinity and regain your mastery. This often starts with self-mastery. Before you can become the master of your relationship, you need to master yourself – your emotions, your body, your finances. Reclaiming your frame means reclaiming your power and operating from a place of strength and leadership. It means stepping into your masculine energy and providing the protection and containment that your partner desires, even if she doesn’t realize it.
By doing this, you create a dynamic where your partner can relax into her feminine energy, feeling secure and cherished. She no longer feels the need to control or dominate because she trusts in your ability to lead. And in turn, this brings balance and harmony to your relationship, creating a space where both partners can thrive in their natural roles.
So, next time you find yourself needing to ask for permission, pause and reflect. Are you stepping into her world, or are you maintaining your frame? It’s time to reclaim your frame, rediscover your masculinity, and lead your relationship with confidence and authority.
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