A common fallacy about masculinity is the image of the lone wolf—living off the land, chopping wood, hunting elk, making coats from bear skins, and building a log cabin. This romanticized notion suggests that true masculinity lies in rugged individualism and self-reliance. However, this image is misleading and incomplete.
Consider the movie "The Revenant." The less glamorous side of this lifestyle is starkly depicted through the suffering of the lead character. This portrayal reveals a more accurate description of the so-called lone wolf's life: a constant battle for survival, marked by isolation and hardship.
This is not the essence of masculinity. Many men today equate rugged individuality with the epitome of manhood. Yet, in doing so, they overlook a crucial element of masculinity: providing for others, contributing to the tribe, generating a surplus, being generous, having people depend on you, and fulfilling your obligations virtuously. The adage "no man is an island" underscores this. It suggests that isolating oneself makes one less of a man and perhaps represents the antithesis of true masculinity.
In modern society, the phrase "men going their own way" is gaining traction on social media. This movement claims that men are making a high-quality decision by opting out of relationships, asserting that they have evaluated the pros and cons and concluded that the negatives outweigh the positives. They portray this choice as being made on their own terms, with a wealth of dating options at their disposal.
However, data paints a different picture. It's not so much that men are choosing to opt out of the dating game; rather, they are being forced out due to factors beyond their control. They are simply not finding women who will date them. This situation is a crisis for men.
Women are naturally hypergamous—they tend to date up, seeking partners who are richer, taller, and have higher social status. Decades into the feminist revolution, women are advancing rapidly, often outpacing men. More women are graduating from university, securing better jobs, and choosing to focus on building their businesses and advancing in the corporate world rather than starting families.
As a result, the pool of dateable men for these successful women is shrinking. This leads to more men remaining single, not having sex, and not starting families. Consequently, they are unable to fulfill their roles as providers and protectors, essential components of their masculine duties.
When men cannot fulfill these fundamentally masculine roles, they become less powerful. This situation leads to feelings of powerlessness, anxiety, depression, declining testosterone levels, and a general sense of directionlessness. This scenario is detrimental to both men and women.
Men need to regain their masculinity and sense of purpose. The key to this lies in one word: responsibility. Taking responsibility means stepping up as providers and protectors, contributing to the well-being of others, and embracing their roles within the community. It is through responsibility that men can reclaim their power, find direction, and ultimately, redefine what it means to be a man in modern society.
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