Dating is full of paradoxes, and the sooner we as men understand these paradoxes, the more pleasant our dating experiences will become. In this blog, I want to work through five of the major paradoxes, and how we can use them to our advantage—or ensure they don’t work to our disadvantage.
1) Past and Future
Men are fixated on women's pasts, while women focus on men's futures. When we start dating, we are dying to know how many sexual partners they have had. We desire women who are sexually available to us but recoil at the thought that they've been equally available to others. Remember, if she is getting down and dirty with you, chances are you’re neither the first nor the last.
How to use this: Don’t obsess about her "notch count"—it will only drive you mad.
2) Stud and Slut
Men with many sexual partners are hailed as studs, while women with similar histories are labeled sluts. This double standard is likely to persist. Asking a partner about their past can backfire—showing insecurity and seldom yielding honest responses.
My advice: Don't ask. There’s nothing to gain and everything to lose.
3) Time is Relative
For men, time is a friend; for women, a foe. Women feel a biological push to "nest" and their fertility peaks in their 20s, then declines. Men, however, can become more attractive as they age, often becoming more financially stable, which is highly valued.
What this means: Patience is a virtue for men. As time enhances your stability and appeal, it may increase your desirability.
Conclusion: Embracing these paradoxes with a light heart and clear understanding can transform dating from a nerve-wracking puzzle into an intriguing journey. Understanding each other's pressures and timelines helps in building a relationship that’s based on respect and realistic expectations, rather than societal stereotypes and biological anxieties.
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