Have you ever wondered why so many marriages fail? Statistics place the divorce rate above 50 percent. Considering that probably half of all undivorced couples are not even happy, the marriage success rate might be around 25 percent. Who in their right mind would enter an arrangement that has a 75 percent chance of failure?
Are people not reading the stats? Imagine you signed up for a skydiving course, and the instructor said that for every four jumps you do, only one would involve the parachute opening and landing safely. Would you stick around or ask for a swift refund? I would wager the latter—yet people continue to get married despite overwhelming evidence that it will likely end in failure. Why is that?
The Romantic Myth
A significant portion of the blame can be placed at the feet of the romantics of the mid-19th century. Before these idealists came along, the notions of love and marriage were never associated. They propagated the idea that love is all that matters and that there is one special person who would make your life complete. Your world would revolve around this person. You could pin all your hopes and dreams on this person. They would fulfill all your needs—for intimacy, for propagating the species, and for living a life full of happiness and realization. This person would be your lover, your partner, your friend, your soulmate. In fact, you could effectively abandon all others—this person basically became your life.
This is a great deal of unrealistic pressure to place on one person, especially regarding sexual expectations.
The Unrealistic Expectations of Modern Marriage
Let's put this into context. You meet a girl, fall hopelessly in love with her, get married, and work hard to buy a house together. Before you know it, you have four kids, a crippling mortgage, and both parents need to work in addition to raising the children. You both get home after a hard day's work, try to feed the mouths of those four kids, wash up, do homework, and with the last ounce of strength in your body, you brush your teeth and plonk into bed where you are supposed to make wild, passionate love into the early hours of the morning, and then repeat the next day.
What superhuman creatures could ever sustain a lifestyle of this rhythm? Are we not kidding ourselves into believing that it is possible to have it all—careers, a lively family, and a consistent supply of melt-the-skin-off-your-face sex? Something has to give, and it is normally physical intimacy in the face of the harsh realities of modern-day living. It is absolutely no wonder that more than half of all marriages end in divorce due to infidelity or other irreconcilable differences. Who can maintain a fulfilling romantic relationship against such odds?
The Pressure of Perfection
We live in a world where everything is supposed to be perfect—even our jobs are expected to be super high-paid and amazing. At what point in our existence did we decide to make marriage this impossible union of domestic reality and sexual fantasy that is impossible to live up to?
Conclusion
The notion that one person can fulfill all our needs and desires is a myth. It sets us up for disappointment and failure. The reality of life—hard work, raising children, and the daily grind—does not lend itself to the fantasy of never-ending romance and passion. It’s time we reevaluate our expectations of marriage and realize that it is okay to not have it all. Marriage should be about partnership, support, and realistic love, not an unattainable dream sold to us by 19th-century romantics.
By acknowledging the harsh realities and setting realistic expectations, perhaps we can improve the success rate of marriages and find true happiness, not in a fantasy, but in a partnership grounded in reality.
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