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The Most Valuable Quality in the Online Dating Game

Updated: May 27, 2024


In the bustling world of online dating, numerous qualities are touted as essential: the ability to flirt, connect, take stunning photos, craft the perfect profile, write compelling opening lines, and having a great sense of humor. Each of these skills undoubtedly enhances your chances of finding a match, but there’s one often overlooked quality that can significantly impact your success: the ability to be patient and say no.


The Scarcity Mentality

Many men on dating platforms suffer from a scarcity mentality, believing there’s a limited number of available women. This mindset leads them to latch onto the first semi-decent match that comes along, often going all-in on someone who might not be the best fit. The belief that this person is their best or only option can cloud their judgment, making it difficult to see other opportunities.


Honesty and Self-Assessment

To break free from the scarcity mentality, it’s crucial to be completely honest with yourself. When you meet someone new, continually ask yourself: "Can I do better?" If the answer is yes, don’t be afraid to say no and wait for the next opportunity. This doesn’t mean dismissing potential matches lightly but rather evaluating whether they truly meet your standards and expectations.


The Abundance of Options

Contrary to the scarcity mindset, women are like London buses – there’s always another one coming. This analogy might not hold in a small town, but in medium-sized and larger cities, there’s a constant influx of new people joining dating platforms. Even if you've been on an app for a month and receive that dreaded message that there are no more potential matches, understand that this is a temporary situation. Adjusting your filter requirements, such as widening the search radius, can help, but more importantly, remember that new profiles are added daily.


Playing the Long Game

Success in online dating often requires playing the long game. This means maintaining hope, exercising patience, and mastering the art of saying no. It’s about resisting the urge to settle for the first available option and instead holding out for someone who truly aligns with your values and desires.


Managing Expectations

It’s also essential to manage your expectations. The idea of a perfect partner, a soulmate who completes you, is a romantic fantasy often inspired by Disney movies. In reality, every woman you meet will have flaws and be battling her own internal demons, just like you. The key is to find someone whose imperfections you can accept and who complements your life in meaningful ways.


The Benefits of Patience

Being patient and selective has several benefits. First, it allows you to avoid relationships that are likely to be unfulfilling or short-lived. By waiting for the right person, you’re more likely to find a partner who truly matches your needs and desires. Additionally, this approach can improve your self-esteem and confidence. Knowing that you have the strength to wait for what you want, rather than settling out of fear or desperation, can be empowering.


Practical Tips for Patience in Online Dating

  1. Set Realistic Standards: Know what you want in a partner and don’t compromise on your core values. However, be realistic about imperfections and focus on finding someone who complements your life.

  2. Take Breaks: If you’re feeling overwhelmed or discouraged, it’s okay to take a break from dating apps. This can help you reset and come back with a fresh perspective.

  3. Stay Active: Keep engaging in activities and hobbies that make you happy. This not only improves your well-being but also makes you more attractive to potential matches.

  4. Build a Support Network: Surround yourself with friends and family who support your dating journey. They can provide valuable advice and encouragement when you need it.

  5. Reflect on Past Experiences: Use past relationships and dates as learning experiences. Reflect on what worked and what didn’t, and use this knowledge to guide your future interactions.

In the online dating game, the ability to be patient and say no is an invaluable quality. It goes against the pervasive scarcity mentality but is crucial for finding a meaningful and fulfilling relationship. By being honest with yourself, managing your expectations, and playing the long game, you increase your chances of finding a partner who truly complements your life. Remember, the right person is out there – it just takes time, patience, and the willingness to wait for the right opportunity.



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