In every relationship, there are two roles: the adorer and the adoree. This dynamic might seem harmless, but it can create an unhealthy imbalance. Most people don’t enjoy being the adoree. The adoree bears the weight of leadership, making decisions and exuding confidence and security. It’s a lot of pressure, and most people would rather be led by a benevolent dictator than shoulder the burden themselves.
Some prefer a small gap between the adorer and the adoree, maintaining a balance where the leader is just slightly ahead. Others prefer a wider gap and often resort to subtle nastiness to keep it that way. Confused? Let’s break it down.
Consider this: men adore beautiful women. Nice men, in particular, shower them with gifts, affection, and time. But this often makes women uncomfortable. They question their worthiness of such adoration, feeling undeserving and pressured. The more praise the adorer heaps on the adoree, the wider the gap becomes, and the more uncomfortable the adoree feels.
Women, generally more comfortable being the adorer, may react to excessive niceness by not reciprocating it. Men who are overly nice and eager put these women under pressure. They wonder how a man can be so head over heels, especially early in a relationship. Is he desperate? Does he have such low self-esteem that he can worship her without really knowing her?
Men, it’s time to step up as the adoree. Embrace being the leader, the alpha, the provider, the protector. Operate in your masculine energy. This means not being overly agreeable and not being excessively nice.
Why Being Too Nice Is a Problem
Being too nice sends the wrong signals. It suggests desperation and low self-worth. Women want to feel attracted to a man who is confident and self-assured, not one who bends over backward to please them.
How to Strike the Right Balance
Be Confident, Not Cocky: Confidence is attractive. Cockiness is not. Show that you value yourself and your time.
Set Boundaries: Don’t always be available. Show that you have a life and priorities.
Lead with Empathy: Be the benevolent dictator. Make decisions, but consider her feelings and needs.
Be Assertive, Not Aggressive: Stand your ground without being overbearing.
The Bottom Line
Men, stop being pushovers. Embrace your masculine energy and be the leader in your relationship. It’s not about being a tyrant, but about being strong, confident, and self-assured. Your relationship will be healthier, and your partner will respect and admire you more for it. So, ditch the excessive niceness and step into your role as the adoree. It’s time to lead with strength and empathy, and watch how your relationship transforms for the better.
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