In a world where "go big or go home" is the mantra, Mark Manson's The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F#ck stands out like a sore thumb at a thumb wrestling contest. With over 16 million copies sold, this book masterfully blends Stoicism and Buddhism to deliver the shocking revelation that the harder you try, the more miserable and less successful you become. The secret to happiness, Manson claims, lies in lowering your expectations and letting go of all attachments. But wait, doesn't that contradict everything we've
been taught?
We've all been fed the idea that success means setting goals, being ambitious, and driving ourselves to the brink of insanity with motivation. This is the cornerstone of what Dr. Jordan Peterson, the clinical psychologist and "clean-your-room" advocate, teaches. Yet, Manson's philosophy goes against this grain, encouraging us to let go and see what happens. How can these two seemingly opposing views coexist?
Let's dive in and find out.
Understanding Your Desires: Buddha vs. Freud
Buddhism teaches that the road to enlightenment is paved with the elimination of desire. Meanwhile, Freud, the grandfather of psychoanalysis, believed that humans are driven by desire. So, which is it? Are desires our downfall, or are they the engine that propels us forward?
Freud argued that our desires stem from a yearning for a lost object—something we believe will complete us. We crave love, affection, acceptance, fulfillment, happiness, success, and recognition. Modern society tells us these desires are good and that we should aim high and strive for success. But there's a catch: what if the things we desire are actually bad for us?
We have an uncanny knack for desiring things that are no good for us. We yearn for fancy cars, big houses, luxury watches, and designer clothes, believing these items will make us happy and fulfilled. But these material possessions often mask deeper insecurities, like envy or low self-esteem. We think we need these things to prove our worth to the world.
Redefining Our Desires
Maybe it's time to rethink our desires. Instead of chasing after material possessions, perhaps we should desire things like self-acceptance, independence from others' approval, and a life free from silly obsessions. We need to learn how to not give a damn about what other people think and stop taking ourselves so seriously.
The key is to distinguish between what's important and what's irrelevant. Spoiler alert: most of the things we stress about fall into the latter category. So, let's focus on what truly matters.
The Balancing Act
You might wonder how Manson's philosophy of not giving a f#ck can coexist with Peterson's teachings on responsibility and ambition. The trick is to balance these extremes. Understand what you can control and what you can't. Let go of the futile and focus on what truly matters.
Here are some steps to help you master this balancing act:
Identify Your Core Values: Figure out what truly matters to you. These are the things worth giving a f#ck about.
Set Realistic Goals: Ambition is great, but don't set yourself up for failure. Aim for goals that align with your core values.
Practice Detachment: Learn to let go of the things you can't control. This doesn't mean you stop caring altogether, just that you stop obsessing over the outcome.
Embrace Failure: Understand that failure is part of the journey. Laugh at your mistakes and learn from them.
Stay Grounded: Don't get caught up in the rat race. Keep your feet on the ground and your head out of the clouds.
The Wisdom to Know the Difference
As the Serenity Prayer famously states, we need the wisdom to know the difference between what we can and cannot control. This wisdom doesn't come overnight, but with practice, you'll get better at discerning the important from the irrelevant.
In conclusion, while Manson and Peterson's philosophies might seem at odds, they actually complement each other quite well. By understanding your desires, redefining them, and balancing ambition with detachment, you can live a more fulfilling life. So, embrace the art of not giving a f#ck, but don't forget to carry your burdens with a smile.
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