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The Thrill of the Chase: Why Optionality Keeps the Spark Alive


Ever wonder why the things we can't have always seem the most desirable? It's a universal truth that applies to everything, from forbidden snacks to romantic interests. If a woman turns you down, you can't stop thinking about her. But if she's always available, she starts to feel predictable, and your interest fades faster than a Snapchat message.


This phenomenon isn't just limited to men. Women, too, lose interest when you make your feelings too obvious. Put her on a pedestal and tolerate her bad behavior? Don't be surprised when her passion dwindles. The secret ingredient here is optionality.


The more choices you have, the higher your value in the dating market. Picture this: you're an average Joe, but you stroll into a club with three stunning women. Suddenly, you're the most interesting guy in the room. It's like getting pre-approved for a platinum credit card; women see you differently because you've been vetted by the "tribe of beautiful women."


Even if those women are hired models, it shows you have options and the resources to afford them. When you profess undying love and devotion, it might be sweet at first, but soon enough, it screams "I have no other options." Women don't necessarily want their men to cheat, but they do want to know their men could cheat – they crave optionality.


So, how do you keep the mystery alive? Take a lesson from my days trading financial options. The value of an option is tied to the volatility of the underlying asset. High volatility means high potential gains, but also high risk. To keep your relationship exciting, you need a bit of that volatility.


Keep some mystery. Don't spill all your secrets in the first six months. The Stoics knew what they were talking about when they advised holding back. Keep her guessing, don't always fawn over her, and definitely don't condone bad behavior. Let her miss you and wonder what you're up to. Show her you still have options and that other women might still be interested.

Next time you're out for dinner, flirt a little with the waitress. Remind her there's still some mystery to you. Because in the end, maintaining that sense of optionality keeps the spark alive.



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