What do most men crave? Power, money, influence? Yes, these trophies glitter on the mantelpiece of male desires. We yearn to be seen, recognized, respected—and, at the very least, not to have our parking tickets laughed at by the attendant. But why this insatiable hunger for affirmation? While I’m no Freudian scholar, I suspect it's not just because we love our mothers. According to a rather simplistic reading of Freud, our actions aren’t propelled by the cool, rational calculations of our conscious minds but by the roaring fires of subconscious desires. And let’s face it, the central heating system of these desires is often fueled by libido.
Here's a less comfortable truth: pornography has sculpted the internet more significantly than any Silicon Valley innovation. Although only 4% of websites are dressed in neon lights and scant attire, they attract more than a third of internet bandwidth, with a predominantly male audience. This illuminates a stark reality: male sexual desire is not just massive; it's colossal.
So, where does the issue lie? Well, women hold the keys to the gates of sensual paradise. Why swarm to online dating apps? Despite the polite chat about seeking 'companionship' and 'intimacy,' at the end of the day, it often boils down to the pursuit of sex, and women are the gatekeepers. They decide who enters the proverbial Eden and who gets banished to the land of eternal handholding.
As women advance in society—climbing corporate ladders, bagging degrees, and outpacing us in job markets—the pool of 'datable' men shrinks. Women, often hypergamous, look across and up the socio-economic ladder for partners, narrowing the field for men. As men become generally less attractive to women, more men find themselves peering wistfully through the gates, excluded from paradise.
Those who do manage to stumble in often resort to desperate measures to remain. This includes enduring manipulative behavior ranging from subtle belittlement to the less subtle devastation of infidelity. Instead of confronting such behavior, some men reinforce it, driven by a deep-seated fear of losing their place in the kingdom.
This creates a paradox: the more men tolerate such behaviors, the more it empowers women to continue. The counterintuitive solution? Men must stand up, call out negative behaviors, and set firm boundaries. Surprisingly, instead of driving their partners away, setting boundaries might just bring them closer.
In this tragic comedy of modern love, perhaps the real power lies not in enduring the bad but in daring to demand the good.
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