Many men struggle to understand that human attraction is primal and emotional, not logical. Women can provide a list of 20 things they look for in a man, and even if men tick all these boxes, they could still end up spending the entire evening drinking alone in a bar. When asked what they find attractive, women might list logical attraction points like attractiveness, success, humor, confidence, self-assurance, and independence. However, true attraction is not in the head; it's in the heart. It is emotional, not mental.
If you want to build attraction with a woman, you need to bypass her brain and appeal to her emotional or primal side. Think back to the best (and worst) sex you’ve had. The best experiences are when you’re not operating in your head—you’re not thinking about what you’re doing—you’re acting instinctively and on impulse. Conversely, during the worst experiences, you’re in your head, questioning yourself, wondering if she’s enjoying it, if you’re doing it right, or even thinking about mundane things like the score of a football game.
Getting Her Out of Her Head
So, how do you get a woman out of her head and operating on emotion? The good news is that women are emotional beings; they are more emotional and less logical than men. When your girl comes back from a rough day at work and starts unpacking all the drama of the day, all she wants to do is vent. She wants to offload all the stress and emotion of the day. She is not looking for solutions, and that's where the problem arises. When men hear this, their logical brain kicks into action, perceiving a problem that requires a solution. Notice how men operate in their heads while women operate in their hearts.
To transform a negative scenario like your girl complaining about the crazy woman in accounting into a positive one where she feels attracted to you, you need to appeal to her on a primal level. Reflect on our days as hunter-gatherers. Those were dangerous times, and she was physically vulnerable. The way she could guarantee her survival was to attract a mate who could protect her from danger, provide healthy offspring, and take care of her. She needed to feel contained. She is the pearl, and you are the shell that provides that protection.
Creating a World of Tension
In modern life, safety has exponentially increased. Your girl is unlikely to be abandoned in the wilderness or expelled from the village. Even if she falls pregnant, there's a high probability that she has a good job and can raise the child alone. The reason why women are not attracted to nice guys is that these men appeal to their logic, treating dating as a transactional affair. They believe that if they do a series of things, they will be rewarded with the woman’s time and affection. They do not create a world of tension or danger; instead, they provide a world of calm and certainty, which never taps into the woman’s primal needs.
The Art of Flirting
The best way to build this tension is through flirting. What is flirting? Some men think it involves sexual innuendo. While there can be a sexual element to flirting, it does not define it. Flirting is the act of creating positive tension, the fine and subtle art of push and pull. You say something nice (push) but then say something less nice (pull), leaving the woman uncertain about your true feelings. Flirting creates uncertainty in a woman's mind. Most men excel at the push—they tell women how awesome, gorgeous, and amazing they are. Attractive women are so used to being praised that they become bored or even despise these men, wondering how someone can worship them without truly knowing them.
The pull is the challenging part; it’s the art of insulting someone in a way that instead of hurting her, it makes her crazy for you. You need to pull her towards you and then push her away, but in a fun and playful manner.
For example:
“It’s clear that you’re an attractive woman, but can you cook?”
This statement is powerful for several reasons. It references a gender stereotype and comes across as slightly chauvinistic, but your delivery is key. You must phrase the push charmingly and disarmingly, flashing a winning smile to create doubt in her mind. You're also introducing a little sexual tension because food is a primal desire, as is sex, linking the kitchen to intimacy. If she’s a rabid feminist, she might call you out, and the date is over—but if she’s a normal woman, she’ll likely respond playfully, allowing you to continue the banter.
The Impact of Flirting
Flirting demonstrates many things about you. It shows that you are smart, a great conversationalist, and confident enough to risk offending her. It shows that you’re not the type to play it safe, adding an element of risk and danger. Humans are not adapted to utopia or a life of complete certainty and order; we need a little chaos and disorder to make life interesting. This tension is essential in relationships.
Couples who never fight often break up because friction reveals things about us that remain hidden when there’s no tension. Flirting creates this tension, attraction, and appeals to the primal side of a woman, building lasting attraction.
By mastering the art of flirting and understanding the primal nature of attraction, you can connect with women on a deeper, more meaningful level.
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