For some, being put in the friend zone is a death sentence. The initial rejection is brutal. It goes to the core of their being. This fucked up romance culture has tattooed on our brains that love is the reason we are alive, and without love, we are losers that do not deserve to exist. Friendship is the consolation prize - it is like kissing your sister.
So let's take a few minutes to throw love and friendship into the boxing ring to test the thesis that friendship really is love's puny, ugly cousin.
In the left corner, we have the champion - Love. Feels great at first. Fresh and tingly - you feel invigorated, like a sprig of eucalyptus up the nose. But after a couple of rounds, love starts to play a little dirty. Blood, tears, and frustrations start to rear their ugly heads as fatigue sets in. The viciousness of insults also starts to increase. Scenes that can unfold between lovers would scarcely be considered imaginable outside of conditions of open pugilistic hostility.
Romanticism has delivered a debilitating body blow to love. This notion that one special person will complete us has created untold misery and heartache. We settle for someone who is very nice in a few ways (she has great tits, or laughs at our jokes), but fucking awful in many other ways (she is possessive, moody and just a massive pain in the ass). After a couple of weeks, months, and maybe years (if you are lucky), the relationship turns into a fucking disaster when compared to previously high expectations. But we ignore the red flags because we are terrified of being alone for two reasons. What will people say when we spent Saturday nights alone watching Netflix? They will think we are social lepers, and secondly, being alone means you have to deal with all the shit in your life that you have been running away from – like answering the most difficult question in the world – who the fuck am I?
Let's now move to the right corner and friendship. In friendship, we find our highest and noblest virtues. We find patience, tolerance, encouragement, and kindness - qualities that have no real place in a boxing ring. Friends stick by us no matter what we do or say. We always bring out our best selves in front of our friends.
I am amazed at how underrated friendship has become. Lovers soon become bored. Friendship is more profound. It is an arena in which people can get a sense of each other's vulnerabilities - reassure one another of each other's value. Million Man focuses on the forging of deep and meaningful friendships between members. I teach men not to chase women, but to chase excellence and high value in their lives. I do not discourage romantic connection, quite the contrary, I just do not believe that it should be high on the priority list.
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