When you first meet a woman who knocks your socks off—she’s sexy, she laughs at your jokes, and she’s available—you’re bound to be excited. In fact, she ticks all the boxes. But here’s where many men fall into a trap: Instead of enjoying the moment with this wonderful creature, they start to project far into the future. They begin to map out a life together, envisioning the potential that lies ahead.
While these thoughts might seem harmless, they can quickly become the most lethal ingredient to any relationship. The expectations you form in your head, though silent, begin to manifest in the way you talk to her, the way you interact with her, and even the way you see her.
At this point, there are two modes you can enter: risk on or risk off. It’s almost like a business negotiation. Imagine you're at the table, and the seller wants 100, but you’re only prepared to pay 90. If you offer 90, you’re taking a risk—there’s a chance the deal might fall through. But by doing so, you’re asserting your value. You’re signaling that you know what you’re worth and you’re willing to walk away if your terms aren’t met.
In contrast, if you offer 100 just to seal the deal, you’ve gone into risk-off mode. You’re overpaying because you’re desperate to make it happen. And here’s the kicker: In relationships, when you overpay by showing too much eagerness or attachment, you reveal your hand. You’re telling her, “You’re my only option,” and that’s a message you should never send.
Women, by nature, are competitive. They thrive on knowing they’ve outdone the competition. If she senses that she’s your only option, the dynamic shifts. The allure of being with a man who has numerous options but chooses her dissipates. The power balance tips, and not in your favor.
Think of it this way: If a woman goes to a party and finds another woman wearing the same dress, it’s a problem. But if a man goes to a party and sees another guy with the same tie, they might laugh it off and become friends. This difference in reaction is rooted in how men and women view competition. Women compete with other women, often not for our benefit but to outshine their rivals.
When you meet a great girl, the natural instinct might be to go into risk-off mode. You don’t want to lose her, so you overpay—you show too much interest, you start planning your future together too soon, and you begin to imagine she’s the only one for you. But in doing so, you’re giving away your power. Your expectations betray your confidence.
The key is to remain cool, confident, and aloof. Be present in the moment without letting thoughts of the future creep in. The more you can stay grounded in the now, the more attractive you become. Women are drawn to men who are sure of themselves, men who are in control of their emotions and who aren’t afraid to walk away if things don’t go as planned.
So, the next time you find yourself captivated by a woman, resist the urge to project too far ahead. Enjoy the moment, stay confident, and remember that the best relationships are built on mutual respect, not desperation. Your ability to remain in the present, free from expectations, will be the difference between a relationship that thrives and one that dies on the vine.
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