I’ve always questioned the saying "nice guys finish last" – largely because I am a nice guy. Recently, I’ve discovered that it’s painfully true. It more or less goes against common sense, but I am now convinced it’s one of life’s many paradoxes. It falls under the broader umbrella of "the harder you try, the less likely you will succeed." This flies in the face of the conventional wisdom that you can do anything you put your mind to. But think about it for a second.
If you look back at all your relationships, which are the girls that liked you the most? Was it the girl you pursued at school, wrote secret love letters to, sent flowers, and took on romantic picnics? Or was it the girl you ignored the most? I can unequivocally state that I repelled the ones I pursued and attracted the ones I ignored.
At school, you typically pursued the pretty girls and ignored the less attractive ones. So how about flipping this strategy and ignoring the attractive women? You do, however, need to be careful how you do this. We are no longer in school, where most people know each other. In the modern dating world, if you simply ignore the good-looking women, they won’t know you exist, and this strategy won’t work.
You need to make yourself known – there needs to be some interaction. It also needs to be meaningful – you need to leave a lasting impression, but once this is done, you need to withdraw and play it cool. You also need to talk to them as if they are that less attractive girl from school. In fact, you need to treat the attractive women of your adulthood exactly as you treated the less-than-attractive girls when you were at school.
Let’s go back to those best years of your life. How would you talk to these girls? You would tease them, pull their ponytails, only talk to them when you felt like it. You were comfortable around them, felt no need to impress them, would say no to them once in a while, and would play games with them. This is the strategy you need to employ with attractive adult women.
It sounds so simple, yet why is it that so few of us actually do this? The answer is simple. We want the attractive girls to like us. We believe that these women are special and they hold the keys to a wonderful world of pleasure and happiness. We place them on a pedestal. We think that because they are attractive, they are better, funnier, and nicer to be around. Obviously, this is absurd. In fact, on many occasions, it is completely false.
Plenty of very attractive women are not nice to be around. They often do not have much conversation and have a limited or non-existent sense of humor. They can also be downright nasty and rude. Some attractive women have relied so heavily on their looks for most of their lives that they have not had to develop their sense of humor. Lots of very attractive women are also very lonely. They don’t have many girlfriends because other women feel threatened by them – yes, women can be very competitive.
Many men despise and resent them because they know these women would never give them the time of day and therefore reject them before they themselves can be rejected. Some men treat them only as beauty objects and use them for that purpose. My point is simple – beautiful women are not as awesome as many men think they are – they are just regular people who often struggle with the same issues as we all do. They can also be plagued by low self-esteem and the anxiety that one day their looks will fade, and they will be left with nothing.
I am not saying these women should be pitied; I am just saying they should be treated like your little freckled neighbor with whom you used to climb trees and whose pigtails you used to pull. So, next time you meet an attractive woman, don’t put her on a pedestal. Treat her like a regular person. Tease her, be playful, and don’t try too hard to impress her. You might just find that nice guys can finish first after all.
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